Gaslighting: why is it so effective and dangerous?

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Introduction and definition

 Chances are you've never seen the 1938 play Gas Light, but if you have, you would know that the play is about a husband who in an attempt to drive his wife bonkers, dims the lights in their home . When the wife asks him about the lights, he denies he touched or changed the lights making her feel even more out of touch with reality. Since the lights depicted in the play were powered by gas, the term gaslighting was created. Gaslighting is altering reality in order to cause a person to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity. It is done very deliberately and is extremely effective in perpetuating the cycle of domestic violence. The National Domestic Violence Hotline mentions the following as gaslighting techniques and describes them as such.

  • withholding- refusing to listen to a partner's questions about what is being said or done
  • countering- questioning a partner's memory about occurrences
  • blocking/diverting- changing the subject and blaming other people for the victim's thoughts and questions about events in the pair's life.
  • trivializing- minimizing the feelings of the victim
  • forgetting/denial- forgetting or denying things were said or done in an attempt to control the victim.
Gaslighting and the Victim

 Victims of gaslighting often question themselves and live in a state of confusion. They may think they are being overly sensitive and blame themselves for actions they shouldn't take responsibility for (i.e its my fault my partner is so mean to my friends or treats me so poorly). Often victims of gaslighting make excuses for their partner and question if they are enough for their partner. Depression can set in because victims of gaslighting can start to yearn for the person they used to be , the person who didn't question themselves all the time.

Effectiveness and Danger

 Gaslighting is extremely effective because it happens slowly over time. As a result, gaslighting can make the person who is being gaslighted feel so disoriented and isolated that they come to rely on their abusive partner even more than they did before this started happening. In fact, this reliance is what makes gaslighting so dangerous because the victim is then even more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

If you're interested in learning more about gaslighting please visit the sources listed below.

Sources

 https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-gaslighting/

 https://www.thehotline.org/2014/01/15/blame-shifting-and-minimizing-theres-no-excuse-for-abuse/

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